Finally had my first pair. I’d been told for a while at this time that I’d long been in denial. I turned 47 in June, and if memory serves me right, I’ve been informed five years ago, when I had my corneal erosion on my left eye checked due to a bad dive from a 20-ft cliff - my first time without anyone to teach me how, with just the pristine waters of the beach that lured me into it - that there was going to be a need for eyeglasses soon. Though it was a preliminary test and wasn’t the point of the check up, I went on with my treatment and had a few follow up checks.
Within the past five years, I’ve had this corneal erosion turn into a corneal “ulcer”, as diagnosed by an asshole at the Asian Hospital, who I never went back to again, until I landed at the Asian Eye Institute at the Mall of Asia, with very nice staff and seemingly very good doctors, who told me that indeed aside from a no-longer 20/20 vision, that I have astigmatism. This later on made me realize what causes the traffic lights to be a bit more starry and the countdowns from a distance more blurred than it used to be. I got an unbelievable quote to have progressive glasses on top of my debt-fulness and broke-ness, starting at 20k.
Sister came home, after I was admitted for the second time in my life at the hospital for a 2nd minor surgery in January (my first time ever was just three months prior for the same treatment), from Sydney, perhaps for three things with me being the least likely reason. Celebrating daddy’s birthday, and her anxiety at work. It was an opportunity to get new glasses, though I was not hopeful. A day before she left, as we were going around the mall, she asked me to look around until I found the best deal, for more than half less than what I’d usually get for quotes.
Long story short, I got them, care of her. After taking me and Lod for a month’s stay with them at their new home in Sydney, our first time in the country as well, all expenses paid. This “uncalled for” Christmas holiday had too many stories in them, mostly depressing, brought about by my dysthymia and my first ever surgery and hospital confinement, my depression diagnosed in May 2022, but this would be in a separate story.
I’d wanted to write about the eyeglasses today, how my vision got better and didn’t believe what difference several years of progressed eye condition made, and how much better it has been since I wore these glasses.
Sometimes, in our day-to-day lives, we hardly notice progessions of things.
I didn’t know that blogger was still alive and one of the top ten blogspots, so this is a good continuation. What 10 years can bring to your life. And how different it could be, or the same.
Today, and in the past months, I’m alone again. Not lonely. Maybe temporarily separated from my partner of 18 years, and six months has been the longest we haven’t been together, with three months of it with no talk. We conversed last week, but things are comfortably hanging for both of us, I guess.
I’ve been quite busy dealing with myself, finally exercising again, the last of three or four elements that’s kept me from recovering well from my literally persistent depressive disorder, meditating, and journaling by writing. I’ve been wanting to blog (again), though I was advised that writing was better which I also did until my penmanship got so much better again, but I guess for narratives that will require this length and point out important facts and illustrate visuals, would be better online.
What I wanted to say maybe was that, like with my glasses, I’ve been able to work on so many things that was getting blurred through time, until I can no longer see what’s in front or around me. Peripheral visions depleting, which I’d been so very proud of. Clarity took on a new meaning, things got a little too vague, unexplainable, and I eventually lost the energy to express and articulate myself, the way I usually could. Thoughts got clouded, cluttered, garbled, abstract, that I had to take time to look, contemplate, reflect, until I come up with my readings.
My meditations have changed a lot of my mindset yet ever better, when I thought I could be positive my whole life, but I think I literally got sooo tired of life, of everything, that this almost 4-year break brought about more likely by my covid in December 2020, which made the rest of the days downard and uphill.
But the past four years has opened my eyes more clearly, that relying on yourself and God will be your only options when it gets to that. The recent tarots I’ve been listening to has kept resounding things that has resonated with me that I can summarize in a bunch of words: AUTHENTICITY, CLARITY, TRANSFORMATION, REBIRTH, KINDNESS, beginning with SELF-LOVE.
These sound quite straightforward and easy. It had to take me months for these to sound edible, and it’s different indeed when you actually experience the sayings that have been simplified for us that were most likely been lived through by who said what. Like, Everything Happens for a Reason.
I can see more clearly now.
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