Spending the rest of today trying to clean up stuff at home. I've asked Ate Riza who's doing our laundry to come over twice a week going forward to help us clean the house too. Mondays for the laundry, and Tuesdays for cleaning. It has been half the day and she's not done with the kitchen yet. It's literally a dirty, dirty kitchen! It's most likely that she'll spend the rest of the day just fixing it.
I scrubbed the sliding door at the dining area, including the screen and mopped the backyard concrete, while Riza wiped off the mess at the cooking station, and has cleaned up the kitchen windows too. I've also thrown away the destroyed chair, and left its partner. I've washed off dust at the garage as well. This year, i'm deciding to let go of what will be of no use to life moving forward and be more practical, less sentimental which does not make as much sense.
Today, the following must be clean and tidy: plate and utensil containers, the two ovens, the glass holders, and the entire kitchen, as well as the fans. Will probably take care of dusting the rest of the furniture by next week. I can't let this week pass without vacuuming the sofa and everything that needs vacuuming. Suck in all the dirt and throw them all away.
Beginning today, I'm owning up the cleanliness and orderliness of things at home, and will stop at nothing to maintain Godliness. It may as well start from there, and maybe it will help clear minds and other things that need clearing.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Re-Start of Search for Nirvana
As expected, I can't sleep.
Despite the effort to adjust my sleeping schedule, I may as well admit that I indeed live in the night. It seems that my thoughts and restlessness are much louder than when I hear other things during the day; the ticking of the clock is nuiscant - which screams at my ear when everyone and everything is asleep.
Several attempts have come by to "start" the search, but to no avail. I guess, though, that all that have happened must be fragments of what build myself, that I have to be more patient. This has to be another chapter.
Haruki Murakami's 600-page Wind Up Bird Chronicle has been a pending book I have to finish before this year ends. I had started with it at the start of the 2nd half of this year when I thought of leaving my company. What astonished me with this read is that everything as I've gone through each chapter has had much congruence with my current situation. Though I haven't really resigned, it has dealt a lot with how much I want to be in my own deep well, how I've been in one, and at the end of the day still have to be out there to face the world. This year has been quite depressing.
While I can only speak for myself, it seems apparent that everybody has had his own struggles. Almost every sin is upon me when I come across someone who has that level of hope that I can't seem to settle with, and I have to say I feel envious for being relatively help and hope-less.
Now, as I get back to the book, I felt more lost than how I felt about leaving my job. Every chapter is such an effort, and I can hardly seem to connect any of the words and the meanings to anything -- just as how I'm feeling. I just want to rest, but that too, is work. I know for a fact that apathy won't do any good, as i've tested it and nothing has worked. But for crying out loud, no answer comes to my head and my heart. It's plain awful.
This is a lost and found journal. I can't expect that the next blogs may have to be an answer to the questions, but I'm begging for bits and pieces that will help me get to where I have to be.
I become one of the profoundly poor souls I have pitied in my life. Help is much needed.
Despite the effort to adjust my sleeping schedule, I may as well admit that I indeed live in the night. It seems that my thoughts and restlessness are much louder than when I hear other things during the day; the ticking of the clock is nuiscant - which screams at my ear when everyone and everything is asleep.
Several attempts have come by to "start" the search, but to no avail. I guess, though, that all that have happened must be fragments of what build myself, that I have to be more patient. This has to be another chapter.
Haruki Murakami's 600-page Wind Up Bird Chronicle has been a pending book I have to finish before this year ends. I had started with it at the start of the 2nd half of this year when I thought of leaving my company. What astonished me with this read is that everything as I've gone through each chapter has had much congruence with my current situation. Though I haven't really resigned, it has dealt a lot with how much I want to be in my own deep well, how I've been in one, and at the end of the day still have to be out there to face the world. This year has been quite depressing.
While I can only speak for myself, it seems apparent that everybody has had his own struggles. Almost every sin is upon me when I come across someone who has that level of hope that I can't seem to settle with, and I have to say I feel envious for being relatively help and hope-less.
Now, as I get back to the book, I felt more lost than how I felt about leaving my job. Every chapter is such an effort, and I can hardly seem to connect any of the words and the meanings to anything -- just as how I'm feeling. I just want to rest, but that too, is work. I know for a fact that apathy won't do any good, as i've tested it and nothing has worked. But for crying out loud, no answer comes to my head and my heart. It's plain awful.
This is a lost and found journal. I can't expect that the next blogs may have to be an answer to the questions, but I'm begging for bits and pieces that will help me get to where I have to be.
I become one of the profoundly poor souls I have pitied in my life. Help is much needed.
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